At the risk of sounding cynical, am I the only one who watches The Bachelor mostly for the drama and the awkward moments? Don't get me wrong, I root for the happy ending as much as the next obsessed fangirl, but I'm not exactly expecting a meeting of soul mates on reality TV. I'm always shocked on the rare occasion a #BachelorNation relationship is still going strong by the time the Final Rose airs. Ah well, c'est la vie! Here are my favorite moments from this week:
- Lauren B's one on one date...oh look, a random hot tub literally in the middle of nowhere! Because that's normal. Is this the same ginormous hot tub Kevin Hart flashed his jiggly bits in last week? Is the show being sponsored by a hot tub company this season?
- We made it about a quarter of an hour into the episode before the first breakdown (Caila.) Not bad, but hey it's only week 3 and "It's just so HARD you guys!" Side question: how do these bachelor girls cry so daintily without even a smear of mascara? Am I the only super ugly crier out there? Because I'm usually more like...
- Lauren H. on the group soccer date let us all know "I have zero ball handling skills!" Wink-wink nudge-nudge. (Good luck with that, Ben!)
- Olivia made sure she was the first to drag Ben away from the group because, you know, "Theres a mutual understanding that we both need time together!" Totes, Olivia, totes. Waving at the other contestants from Ben's balcony was a nice touch. When Jami clued her in that some of the other ladies had been mean-girling about Olivia's ugly toes behind her back, Olivia responded bravely that it's ok because "perfection is lame. So lame."
You know the whole time she's thinking:
- At the cocktail party Ben shared the news that some family friends had just been killed in a plane crash. Olivia -as usual- went in like a lion bringing down a gazelle and immediately pulled him aside to
comfort him in his time of griefcomplain about how she hated her legs and how people have even written mean things on the internet about her...ermahgerdcankles. Her CANKLES. She actually managed to squeeze out a tear as she confessed how hard it is to "stay strong" in spite of having such a terrible affliction.
- Major drama ensued when the girls decided that Jubilee was "secluding herself" from the group after she'd already committed the unpardonable sins of being both awkward and "offensive" and receiving a date rose anyway. Plus she had the nerve to give Ben ohmygodabackmassage. Jubilee's total disregard for going with the program required an immediate confrontation by Amber, obvs. Of course, the drama backfired. Cause bishes be cray. #TeamJubilee
- Props to Lace for realizing before the rose ceremony that she needed to take herself out of the game. I was shocked to see her reel in the crazy for a moment and leave with a little bit of grace. It's down to Olivia to carry on the psycho-torch for the rest of the season, and if next week's previews are any indication, she won't disappoint.
- After failing to receive a rose at the end of the night, Jami the bartender closed out the show with some deep reflections on her experience: "My lesson from this is don't ever expect anything from humans. I'm going to start adopting cats now." You go, girl.